Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It doesn`t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full. There`s clearly room for more Alcohol
I order all my food with extra gluten.
I`m too lazy to be a stalker. You`ll have to come here. Bring coffee.
"Mary had a little lamb. That`s had." - the wolf
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. Except for bodily functions...Hopefully you can control THEM. :/
Someone once said, “Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” So, I’m pleased to announce the grand opening of my titty squeezing business!!
Don`t, under any circumstance, believe I`ll return your Tupperware.
one day a man seen a fairy, and asked.... could you make me irresistible to all women.... so she turned him into a credit card. :`D
I like confusing kids by telling them I`m older than the internet
Oh, a spider just landed on my desk... In other news,,, When startled, I can jump 5 feet in the air with just the power of my ass cheeks.
Share this if you know someone who is alive today simply because you don`t want to go to prison.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
Well if you didn`t want me to fall in love with you, why did you tell me you had nachos?
I wish there was a reality show where people learned grammar.
I’m off for a quiet beer. Followed by fourteen noisy ones.