Daily Silly Status

I spent an hour at Walmart last night.. I can now totally disprove evolution.. O_o

All the coffee in Colombia couldn`t make me a morning person.

If you want to get me to do something, bribery does work.

I`m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.

The way I see it, every Friday is Good Friday.

Just think of how different the world would be if Noah had eaten those two chickens.

If by angry birds you mean flipping off a$$holes while driving then yes I`m at the expert level of Angry Birds

Marriage counseling - because sometimes your spouse needs to hear from a professional that they are being an a$$

Word of advice. If your wife or girlfriend ever asks "hypothetically speaking, if I was to arrange a threesome for your birthday, which of my friends would you pick to join in?" Never give two names......ever.

I don`t hate you, it`s just, if you were on fire. I would roast marshmallows.

Those raccoons must of had one heck of a party last night!!!! That`s the 4th one I`ve seen passed out on this road

I bought a book called `How to become an expert at Origami`. So far, I`ve made 1000 paper snowballs.

I wish there was a room where we could go and see all the stuff we have ever lost.

It needs more cowbell!!

I eat my corn on the cob like an old-school typewriter. This is how the 80`s cartoons taught me to do it as a kid.