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So, I bought a wok to cook healthy food and I have to say, these french fries don`t taste any different.
I used to work at a fire hydrant factory. I couldn`t park anywhere near the place
i hate not being able to correct the typo i just made in my previous statues update......DAMN IT! I JUST DID IT AGAIN!
This hangover feels like Quentin Tarantino directed it.
I’m pretty busy today, so if you could just go ahead and offend yourself for me that would be great. Thanks!
I love a room with a fire place it sets the tone for a romantic night, drinking wine slow dancing, burning evidence.
As I slide down this bannister we call life, you, and you alone, are the splinter in my ass
I thought a vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it only changes the color of the baby.
Sometimes Google should just come back with an answer that says, `Trust me, you don`t want to know.`
I`m available if anyone needs me to ruin a good thing before it even starts.
Police ordered me to get out of my car `You`re staggering` said the officer .`you`re not to bad looking yourself` I replied
MIDDLE EAST: How can we stop ISIS? EUROPE: How can we save our economy? AMERICA: What color is this dress?!
The awkward moment when people think you`re drunk when in fact you`re just a blast naturally.
It’s called sarcasm, and it confuses stupid people.
I wonder who Jason Waterfalls is and why did TLC not want him to go...