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I want a firsthand test of the "mo money, mo problems" hypothesis.
Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain beard 3.) prisoner of war beard 4.) homeless person beard 5.) wizard beard
Dear Diary, men think about sex every 7 seconds. I do that with pizza.
I`m not sure but I think the family from Honey Boo Boo is just a family of bears that were shaved down and shown how to sh!t indoors.
You`re the reason why I believe in condoms.
my phone battery lasts longer than relationships this days !
My credit score is just a picture of me crying in the front yard of a nice house.
I`d kill for a microwave that plays Europe`s “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.
Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship.
If you`re feeling powerless just remember a single one of your turds can shut down an entire water park.
80% of my status updates are BS, 15% are bologna and 5% are 100% straight from the heart.
My resume is really just a list of things I never want to do again.
Save water, shower together.
Whenever I fill out a job application with a box for "Race," I add a question mark and then write, "Anytime. Anywhere."
I`m going to invent a cleaning product that kills .1% of all germs and bacteria. It doesn`t sound very effective, but I`m going to get it placed right next to all the other cleaning products that kill 99.9% of all germs and bacteria.