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I don`t have any "driving the speed limit" music.
Beer is good, but beers are better.
That annoying feeling when you finally downloaded the movie you wanted to watch and BOOM!... It`s in French. #F**kYouFrance
Went looking for camouflage underwear today.....couldn`t find any
People are so ungrateful. No one ever thanks me for having the patience not to kill them.
I`m putting more thought into my Halloween costume than into my job.
I’ve finally decided to do something about my weight ... Lie.
Today is National Fritters Day. I don`t know what that means, so I just went naked today. Gotta be something like that.
Did you know? If you put your finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Packman!
If your pet has its own FB page, it might be time for a reality check...
Whenever a wrong number calls me and hangs up I always call em back and tell them it was their loss because I`m really fun to talk to.
I just don`t think a partridge in a pear tree would make a great gift
A morning text from me doesn`t mean "good morning". It means "I`m having very dirty thoughts about you right now".
Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.
Today’s forecast.. mostly cloudy with a 99.9% chance of alcohol