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Every time I`m about to win an argument with my wife someone wakes me up.
What number SPF blocks people?
I was thinking earlier, thats all, just wanted everyone to know that it does happen from time to time........
Live today like it`s your last!! But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn`t.
Scientist say that universe is made up of Electrons, Protons and Neutrons...They forgot to mention MORONS...
when is humpty dumpty going to hatch?
Look, if your cart is in the middle of the aisle and I need to get by, then yes, this is bumper cars.
Size does matter-just ask Pluto.
Sometimes Google should just come back with an answer that says, `Trust me, you don`t want to know.`
Had a pizza today without extra cheese. Dieting is hard
No one`s lazier than the guy who came up with the name for Juicy Juice.
I saw this homeless guy talking to himself and I was like, "Who is he talking to?" then I thought "Who am I talking to?"
How come there are never any restrooms in my dreams
The Internet: where no one is afraid to say the first thing that pops into their head.
Is a bath relaxing for Michael Phelps, or does he just feel like he is at work?