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More food should come with prizes inside it.
I don`t ever need to go sky diving or bungee jumping. Leaving a pizza in the oven while I make a quick run to Walgreens is about all the adrenaline rush I can handle.
Smooth move.........ExLax
Why put off `til tomorrow what you can premeditate today.
You call it "Blacking Out" I call it a "Surprise Nap"
I`d love to have a sex change. Preferably from `none` to `absolutely sh!tloads`.
Due to the weather, I was able to use the words "wet and slippery" at work all day without anyone thinking I`m a big perv.
Updating my status in the car. Don’t worry, I’m in the passenger seat. Which makes it harder to drive, but fools the cops.
Alcohol makes me worse at everything except telling secrets
Roses are Red Violets are Blue, If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
People hear my southern accent and automatically assume I`m stupid. Let me tell you something right now. That is just a coincidence.
Good for you, people that do things.
I know I don`t look like it but I`m really good looking!
People who think only God can judge them have obviously never met my mother-in-law.
Fun thing to do #48: Spice up your food delivery order by ending the call with "And NO cops!"