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I want the job where you push scared skydivers off the plane.
Do you think in the spirit world they have TV shows about trying to make contact with the living?
All I`m saying is, China could have a much better relationship with the West if they shared their dragons with us. But, whatever, be that way.
I love to start my day by getting on Facebook to see who is a whiny little bi!ch today.
For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.
Why can`t my coworkers just play on the Internet like normal people instead of trying to engage me in conversation.
I tried my best to see things from your point a view, but your point of view is stupid.
My neighbour has diabetes and now she won`t make me cupcakes anymore, its like bad things always happen to me.
Dear Fruity Pebbles: Calorie content w/out milk is unnecessary. Anyone shoving dry Fruity Pebbles down their throat isn’t counting calories.
Everything just seems much better when you`re in denial
Parenting is no different than a bear attack. Curl up and play dead and they usually leave you alone.
My wife was so sick this morning that I had to carry her to the kitchen to make my breakfast.
My date is in 2 hours, which means I have very little time to fix my glasses and fix my bangs and get a career and lose 50 pounds
You call it Sushi, I call it bait.
What an intoxicated Schwarzenegger might say to a police officer: "I`m an IDIOT you COP!"