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My girlfriend called me up and said "Come on over to my place. No one`s home!" I went over. No one was home.
I`ll drink enough for both of us, because I`m just a caring person.
I thought Row vs. Wade was Washington`s decision when he reached the Delaware.
I got on-line to check the weather...That was 12 years ago.
"Lazy" is a strong word. I prefer to call it selective participation.
Why is it called stealing when your WIFI is trespassing in my house?
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I`m making important life decisions.
if your an astronaut, and you don`t end a relationship with "look, I just need space.." then your wasting everyones time
When a couple asks me for directions,I know that the wife is forcing the guy to ask.That`s why I give them wrong ones to teach her a lesson.
I know I should lift weights, but those things are heavy!!
Online personality tests are pretty self-explanatory… If you’re taking the test, chances are you don`t have one.
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-a$$".
Looks like I’m in the doghouse again, but I don’t know why. All I said to the wife was, “Is there anything important you want to tell me before the World Cup starts?”
I don`t know why I even bother chewing corn.
Just found my TV remote and a newspaper in my fridge. It`s pretty awesome that society lets me live by myself.