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The only thing I`m really learning from this 401K meeting at work this morning is that I`ll probably never be able to retire.
Just realized the laundry detergent has been in the refrigerator for 3 days, in case you`re looking for a business manager.
When one door closes and another one opens, your house is probably haunted.....
When you put ‘aspiring’ in front of your chosen profession. What I hear is: I’m unemployed.
I`m bringing sexy back...if I only I can remember where I had it last....
I tried being modest once, as expected I was amazing at it.
is cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.
I`m a multi-taking procrastinator. I can put off all kinds of things all at once.
They keep telling me theres plenty of fish in the sea, but I havent caught one in years, soooo I continue to sit here, holding my rod.
I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I`m not an actor.
The best trick the devil ever pulled was calling herself "him".
You sure do seem to know a lot about love and relationships for someone who spends 22 hours a day on Facebook.
Sorry, I didn’t mean to text you a graphic description of my explosive diarrhea. Stupid autocorrect.
Wonder what my couch is doing right now.