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Someday, I hope to be so rich that I`ll never be happy again.
Texting typos can change your life. "Having a great time wish you were her"
I don`t know about you . But everytime I go on Twitter , I get this weird feeling , I am being followed.
Facebook taught me to mind everyone else`s business.
Texts from mom: Thanks to the supreme court, now it`s not just women who won`t marry you.
You`ve been on more hotel pillows then chocolate mints.
I totally understand how batteries feel because I`m never included in things either
I get my cardio from caffeine...
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart
I feel it`s important for you to know, no matter what I`m faced with and when given the option, I am that guy who will send you a voice-mail marked confidential.
When people tell me knock knock jokes, I pretend I`m not home.
Spring cleaning: The term that gives us an excuse to only clean once a year.
Golf is such a strange game. You shout four, shoot six, and write down five.
Adult movies now available in 3D?!? Some thing I just don`t want to see flying at my face.
People hiking with a giant stick never seem any better at hiking than the rest of us.