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This Donut-Scented Car Air Freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
You say stalker. I say unpaid private investigator.
Knowing sign language is a handy skill when it comes to identifying schizophrenics at famous people`s funerals.
The WWF advert asks, “When the ice goes, where do the polar bears go?” ... Well, swimming, I suppose.
I`m 42 years old and I still have no idea what I would do if a kangaroo entered my bedroom in the middle of the night.
Every club is a strip club, if you have the money. Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you have the balls.
I walked into SeaWorld with a fishing pole once. I gotta tell ya, those security guards can really run.
If you work Security in a Samsung store does that make you a Guardian of the Galaxy?
You know what`s the best part about waking up early? Nothing, it sucks!
I really want to see you tonight. So could you please leave the blinds up and the curtains open?
Apparently dyslexia is not a good excuse for driving 53 in a 35.
I started to keep a notepad beside the bed so that I can write down post at night, so far I have: Really shitty handwriting in the dark.
I need a six month vacation Twice a year.
You know what the trouble about real life is? There`s no danger music.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?