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I think I need to return my GPS...no matter what it can`t help me find easy street
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best-looking guy in the world, but,....Oh,hell. Now I`m depressed.
I am going to write a book about A.D.D., because .. I love fishing. -LOL
CNN needs to reevaluate the use of Breaking News. Perhaps "Latest Speculative News" or "We Really Don`t Know Shit" would work. CNN call me.
I was told today to look at my life from a different perspective. I`m lying on the floor now and the shit still looks f*cked up.
Can’t wait till I’m old and I can play the ‘fall asleep’ card in awkward situations.
me + you = overpopulation... :) :p
what is the difference between a Fly and a mosquito? ``A fly can fly, But a Mosquito can`t mosquito``
The thought of having my own kids is scary because anyone who`s half me and half someone dumb enough to have sex with me is doomed
Really close to my perfect target weight. All I need now is one more stomach flu
The best thing about having male genitals is sharing it with people who don`t.
I hate when I explain how awesome I am to someone and they pretend to not be impressed.
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to "grow up," I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food. :)
People say I`m too patronising (that means I treat them as if they`re stupid).