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How can so many movies be “based on real events” when no one farts?
My fitness goal is to weigh what I told the DMV I weigh.
If I truly posted what was on my mind ... I´d most likely be in a psychiatric hospital right now.
Boy it`s nice out today... or at least that`s what it says on my computer.
I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog is not house trained.
My doctor is getting really tired of me asking if the stuff I see in commercials is right for me.
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn’t have couches at this Best Buy
Perfect has 7 letters and so does meeeeee ....Coincidence? I think not.
My walk of shame is going back for a shopping cart after realizing I can`t carry 23 items in my arms through the store.
My problem is that all food is comfort food
Advertising taught me that hair conditioner makes you move in slow motion.
Driving isn`t even in the top 5 things I`m thinking about when I`m driving.
FANNNN...DANNNNN....GOOOOO. Breathe The A`s.
"Someday, your phone will cost more than your computer" - said no one ever.
I`d rather be someone`s shot of whiskey than everyone`s cup of tea.