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I love my car. Without it, I would not be where I am today.
If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never aging is wearing the same clothes every day.
I never sign anything until I pretend to read it first..
If it looks like a pig and walks like a pig, do me a favor & tell my ex girlfriend I said hello.
I’m “had to actually call a girl on the home phone to ask her out while hoping my mom didn’t pick up and start dialing” years old.
Has marriage been on Mythbusters yet?
Shouldn`t we get paid to use the self-service checkouts in supermarkets? It`s like we work there for a little while.
Wear black: all the non-conformists are doing it.
Dont freeze your Common sense in the process of being COOL.
I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
I hate when people say, "I gotta get my body right for the summer." ...like, wtf are you going to do about your face???
is a reasonably intelligent person who does moderately stupid things on a semi-regular basis.
I don`t get why girls get so offended by sexist jokes..I think they are just ovary-acting. Seriously..
The reason swans mate for life is because they don`t talk.
I try not to limit my madness to March.