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Roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you.
I still miss my ex. But my aim is gettin` better.
I`m more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.
Sometimes I think, "Screw this, I will just be a stripper." Then I remember I am fat and I can`t dance.
I always honk when I drive by homeless guys sleeping, just in case they overslept for a meeting
I wish I could just “like” a text so I don’t have to respond.
You`d be surprised at how many times I`ve gone home, when i hear someone tell me "Go hard or Go home".
Here’s a little bit of advice for you.. advi
drinking 2% milk, wondering what the other 98% is...
Best Pregnancy T-Shirt… “9 Months Sober”
Everyone`s self worth should only be measured by how useful they would be in the zombie apocalypse.
Mornings are the best when they start in the afternoon.
“Screw it” – My final thought before making most decisions.
For the life of me, I can’t understand why small and medium pizzas exist.
Tried to donate blood today but they had too many questions about where I got it.