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I`ll act my age when I`m 69..
When you`re accused of buying someone a gift last-minute at Walgreens, don`t reveal you actually went to Walgreens a month ago.
I`m one more bottle of wine away from starting a blog.
There was a sense of accomplishment finishing the daily newspaper. I literally have no idea when I`m supposed to stop reading the internet.
You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”
I don`t have ADHD. I have ADOLS. Attention deficit..OH LOOK! Skittles!
Its not you, it`s how you don`t make me sandwiches.
I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves
I just spent an hour at the gym. I couldn’t find a close enough parking spot so I left.
Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
If Monday was a movie, it would be very long and boring.
It`s remarkable how much I can get done out of sheer spite.
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos.
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If Jesus was the son of Mary and he was the Lamb of God, Does that mean Mary had a Little Lamb?