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Somedays I could do without the life lesson
I wish I could use Shazam to identify people when I cant remember their name.
I have one question about Insanity, "Are we there yet"?
Lord, grant me the courage to be the person I am under my breath.
Detroit and Chicago seem to be getting it right as of late. Limit all politicians to two terms. One in elected Office and one in prison.
I always see more people walking into Sam`s Club than out of Sam`s Club, but the meat`s cheap, so I don`t ask questions.
LIKE if you talk to yourself and laugh because you’re just that hilarious.
Shout out to people who are hard of hearing.
Before coffee: Hates everybody. After coffee: Feels good about hating everybody.
When you are a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since I last saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
I`ve never heard an alarm going off on a car worth stealing.
Hey, did you know that in two days, tomorrow will be yesterday!
Whoever said you can’t “like” your own status is just not awesome enough to do it.
Money isn´t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.
Better to be incredibly weird than incredibly boring.