Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don’t like being told what to do…unless I’m naked.
Note to Denver Broncos: Marijuana is NOT a performance enhancing drug!
Just so we’re on the same page, I’m on 43.
There really should be awards for getting out of bed.
For the record when I was a kid I never wanted to be an adult.
Sorry, everyone, it looks like my Facebook account was hacked by tequila last night...
I’ve noticed the less open-minded someone is, the more open-mouthed they tend to be.
Some people are like rain clouds. Once they f*ck off, it`s a beautiful day.
Some mornings I feel like leaving my coffee until its cold enough that I can just pour it directly into my eyes.
My mom says I`m special.
Heat makes things expand. So I don`t have a weight problem...I`m just HOT.
An elderly woman at an ATM asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Yup, she needs a walker.
If at first you don`t succeed, find out where she lives.
Another funny thing about this status is when you finally realize that it talks about nothing? its all ready too late to stop reading. lol
"I love you unconditionally*." -God *certain terms and conditions apply. See Bible for more details.