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I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
Enough with the lies, people who drink decaf coffee, tell us what your game plan is.
Yesterday I had to screw in a light bulb . Later, I crossed a road and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk while it´s still snowing
I’m considering becoming a mind reader ... What are your thoughts?
I just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way.
I went to buy condoms and the cashier just said "yeah right" and put em back on the shelf
You say I’m not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I’m not cold, I’m hot. I know I’m hot. Thanks for embracing it.
Apologising does not mean you are wrong and the other person is right, it just means you value your relationship more than your ego.
People are like snowflakes. If you piss on them they go away.
If the government shutdown effected alcohol or internet porn they`d have this sh!t fixed by tomorrow morning.
Grammar. The difference between feeling your nuts, and feeling you`re nuts.
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental issues
For the past 3 years I have been planning to write an article on Procrastination!!!
The quality of a good neighbour is not seeing them often.