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I’m beginning to believe that successful relationships come down to Netflix compatibility.
Starting an international incident is number one on my bucket list.
So, when is this Old Enough To Know Better thing supposed to kick in?
My dad taught me righty tighty, lefty loosie.... that`s why I never dated left handed chicks.
Can’t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
Avoid parking tickets by leaving your wipers on high.
Coffee is gods way of saying "go ahead get trashed on a weeknight, I`ve got your back"
Anybody have plans to stare at their phone somewhere exciting this weekend?
My talent is being wasted, if that counts as a talent.
Hey bartender, pour me another, I see ugly people.
In a new study women with large a$$es live longer………the men who tell them live distinctively shorter lives.
Absolutely is my favourite nothing to do...
I finally did it. I gave my cat a bath today. It really wasn`t that bad. She enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. Other than the fur sticking to the roof of my mouth, it went well.
If someone threw a rock and knocked me off my donkey, would I be stoned off my a$$?
dreams of a better world... where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned