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There are no bad photos. That’s just how you look sometimes.
You can`t make everyone happy, so today I think you should focus on me.
Summer is real cool until every f*ckin type of insect comes out of the 8th circle of hell.
Things I use duct tape for, by percentage: Pranks: 35% Car repair: 35% Wrapping presents: 20% Medical emergencies: 10% Ducts: 0%
Let`s be honest, we all have someone on Facebook we wanna bang...with a pan.
Of course you don’t think you’re ignorant! That’s the definition of ignorance!
How does one get suspended with full pay and benefits? Asking for a friend who is actually me.
The correct answer to "How are you?" is "Fine." If you ever stray from that dialogue, please know that nobody gives a sh!t.
"People should just mind their own business," probably the funniest thing I`ve ever read on a social networking site.
Would it be wrong to ask a one-eyed person if it really was "all fun and games" up to that point?
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the sane one.
Now that 1 in every 3 people cheats in their relationships,I`m left wondering. . .Is it my wife or my girlfriend that`s cheating?
Being a parent means often saying your child is shy rather than "he sees how creepy u are, that`s why he doesn`t want to shake your hand".
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.