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"I`d hit that" -old people who drive
Found out today that you`re supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, NOT a jelly stain. Sorry, strange lady at the Waffle House. Just trying to help...
Apparently, “I had an interview with a better company” is not an acceptable reason for being late for work.
Life is so much funnier if you have a dirty mind
When people sit in front of me at the movies. I make a loud fart sound so they quickly move to get away from me.
Sex, do it for the kids.
Even if girls came with instructions, men would never read them.
If you think I hate you ... I probably do.
"No! Don`t go into the church! Nooo!" ... "Honey, what movie are you watching?" ... "Our wedding video."
Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the world.
I think my downstairs neighbors are beginning to suspect I`m living in their attic...
I have a few skeletons in my closet. But, every single one of them deserved it.
When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs.
If a post is really good you will read it twice. if a post is really good you will read it twice.
Just burned 3 calories typing this with my thumb muscles. #fitness