Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds. :/
I wish more people were fluent in silence.
Business Plan: 1. Hold sign that says "Free Hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
Maybe the reason Uncle Phil hated Will was because the first thing Will gave him was a $3700 cab ride bill from Philly to Bel-Air.
Have we considered putting Scooby Doo and the gang on the Malaysian airplane caper?
Half the lies they tell about me aren`t true
John has 35 candy bars. If John eats 27 of them what does he have? .... Diabetes. John has diabetes.
I`m 42 years old and I still have no idea what I would do if a kangaroo entered my bedroom in the middle of the night.
If you can´t amaze people with your intelligence, confuse them with your bullsh*t
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.
People must stop questioning my sanity, it wont answer them.
Mom: Clean your room. We`re having guests over for dinner. Me: I didn`t realize that dinner will be held in my room.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Walmart
How can I be expected to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count?
I snuck popcorn into the movie theater but they won’t let me use their microwave.