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I worry about what my rubber ducky thinks about me when I`m naked 0.0
You can`t choose your family but you can choose a hitman.
At a four way stop, it`s obvious that the vehicle bearing the most duct tape goes first.
Thank you, True Crime, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
My wife says "YOU`RE DRUNK!" like it is a bad thing.
I`ve found that the best web designers in the world are spiders.
Of course women dont fart. They never shut up long enough to build up pressure
Seeing a spider isn`t a problem. It becomes a problem when the spider disappears.
List of the most populated places in the world - 1. China 2. India 3. Friend Zone 4. United States 5. Indonesia
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I’d be like “Sit your translucent ass down, I have a lot of questions!”
Is it just me, or do mirrors look really sexy?
What if plants could talk but they are still in shock from seeing the dinosaurs?
We Should Have A Way Of Telling People Their Breath Stinks Without Hurting Their Feelings. Like: "I`m bored, let`s go brush our teeth"
I hate when you tell someone you’re bored, and they suggest getting together. Then you have to explain that you’re not quite that bored.