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Be the reason someone smiles today. Or the reason they drink. You choose your own adventure.
Sorry that offended you, I really didn’t think you’d get it.
Shouldn`t there have been at least one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
Enough with the lies, people who drink decaf coffee, tell us what your game plan is.
Girls here`s how to tell if a guy wants you for sex - 1: He does
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
My daily routine: Wake up, be awesome, go back to sleep.
When I think of a SELFIE, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of...
I`m getting tired of having to write "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all my e-mails. Maybe I should just get an iPhone.
if i get a friend request from you and your profile picture is a car i`ll asume your a transformer
According to serving sizes tonight, I`m a family of 4.
Whenever a stranger asks our baby’s name, I always say he hasn’t told us yet.
If you put a "Student Driver" sign on top of your car, Nobody will ever suspect you of drunk driving.
Driving a Dodge doesn`t automatically make you a defensive driver.
I`m getting really irritated. This is the tenth ATM I`ve been to in the last week that`s had "insufficient funds".