Daily Silly Status

Oh, you’re surprised I’m still single? I’m surprised you can dress yourself. So I guess we’re even.

For once I’d like to get kicked into a bar

Getting married at 22 sounds alot like leaving the party at 9:30

I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned.

I`d rather spend 5 minutes reorganizing the dishwasher, than spend the 10 seconds it takes to wash the dish that doesn`t fit.

Aren`t you too fat to be this rude?

Dear autocorrect, at no point in time have I meant to say "I`m affordable" instead of "I`m adorable".

I`m happy that my grandma thinks that a iPad is for wet and leaking eyes

Pizza gal reads my order back to me and says,"You have one large thick sausage, anything else?" With a smirk I reply,"Yes, I`d also like to order a pizza."

I put my phone on Airplane Mode and now I can`t find it...

Every fork at your favorite restaurant has been in 100`s of strangers` mouths

May be time to get in shape. Halfway up this flight of stairs and I`m considering setting up base camp and trying again in the morning.

This chick I met last week says she wants a guy who is `funny and spontaneous`, yet when I tap on the kitchen window uninvited late at night dressed as a clown it`s all pantic and screaming.

When I see somebody get on one knee tying their shoe in public I get in front of them, happy cry, and say “Oh my GOD, I will, YES-YESS!”

If you needed to wear camouflage in a gingerbread house, would you wear ginger snaps?