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After dinner I like to sit in the garden in my underwear and smoke a cigarette.....but apparently that`s not done at this hotel....
TEIAM - problem solved
I`m lucky to be broke at a time when minimalism and sustainability are in style.
Never cry over spilt milk. It could`ve been whiskey.
Guests are coming over for Thanksgiving... Almost time to booby trap the medicine cabinet with marbles.
Dinosaurs never had pizza and they all died.
Pretty nice opinion you got there. It`d be a shame if someone were to...not give a sh*t about it
Getting back with your ex is pretty much the same as taking a shower, getting out, and putting back on the same old dirty underwear.
For fun, I steal my married friends phones & change my name to `Brandy from the club` then repeatedly call them & hang up at 3am.
Am I the only one who closes the silverware drawer with an epic pelvic thrust?
I thought "twerking" was short for "networking". I really embarrassed myself while giving that presentation to the company`s Board of Directors.
You know what I just realized that in school they teach you not to do what you don`t want to do yet they still give us homework and we get in trouble because we didn`t want to do it ( confused )
Look, here’s the deal: If you’re into immature, sexually compulsive men who drink too much and need to be the center of attention at all times, you are going to find me very attractive.
Whoever made up the saying "It`s the thought that counts" never got a pair of crocs for Christmas.
If you can`t say something nice about someone, you probably know the same people I do.