Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You never know whats going on in your life until you’re f*cked up.
When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
If you drink enough tonight, you won`t have to lie when you call in sick tomorrow.
Dating someone solely on their looks is shallow. Consider other things such as how much money they have.
If its true we`re here to help others, then what exaclty are the others here for?
I found a spider in my shoes. He looks ridiculous, they`re way too big for him.
Every time the grocery baggers ask if I want help to my car, I feel like telling them yes and climbing in the cart.
gets drunk on one drink. The trouble is, I can´t remember if it´s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
I`d hit that. - women drivers
You know its Monday when your left eye wont open and your right eye is twitching.
When you`re a kid, dick jokes are considered adult content, but when you`re an adult, they`re considered immature.
I don’t know how your day is going, but I just got lucky on the couch! Yep, I found a dollar!
Kinda funny how the Mayans said we were all gonna die in 2012, but they all disappeared way before us.
It takes about 2.9 seconds for me to go from “this is the best day ever” to “I want to stab every person on planet Earth.”
Buy a "World`s Greatest Boss" mug and drink out of it in front of your boss.