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So what was the best thing before sliced bread?
Bored? Update your Facebook to “in a relationship” with someone you’ve never met just to see if they’ll confirm.
What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer & a pregnant girl have in common? There was a DUMBASS who didn`t take it out in time.
Ya Know?!?......The number of ways I could care less...... is astounding!
Welcome back to plastic surgery anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today.
You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch isn`t that bad. It`s kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping......with a really angry bear nearby.
“Everything you say can and will be used against you” should be included in marriage vows.
I miss being the age when I thought I would have my sh!t together by the age I am now.
Kids are like debit cards. I get yelled at when I accidentally leave them at the store.
Wife: I wish we could have sex like we used to... Husband: Do you mean with other people?
I have never preheated an oven but I have pre-eaten a frozen pizza.
Whenever i see a facebook page Celebrate; "We have reached 200K fans". I just ask myself, do they know how many of those 200K died or left facebook or can`t remember their password after they liked the page?
As a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches
I’ve thought about running away as an adult way more than I did as a child.