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I made a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number one: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes? Hurt like hell.
My nose is "running", that`s all the exercise I can handle for one day.......
I love the way everyone who uses hand sanitizer looks like they`re hatching some kind of evil plan.
Vodka and denial are cheaper than therapy.
Somedays I feel like running away. Then I remember how much I hate running.
No pants are the best pants.
It’s not really drinking alone if the dog is home ... right?
Any time someone says "have you seen that YouTube video?" I always say yes......... Because otherwise they make you watch it on their phone
Most computer problems are caused by a loose nut between the chair and the keyboard.
I`m a little stumped by this beer to pee volume ratio.
Your things are terrific.
Not clicking like on this status makes your a$$ look fat.
Come on Facebook friends. Be honest with me. Does my butt make my pants look fat?
My p@nis was in the Guiness Book of Records. Untill the librarian kicked me out
Remember when you thought you’d have it all together by the time you were the age you are now? LOL