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Don’t text and drive. You don’t want “lol” to be the last thing you say before you die.
Roses are red, violets are blue. If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
Rubix cubes are EASY....when you`re color blind.
Rawwrrr means I love you in dinosaur. Everyone knows that, silly
Checked a lot off my thought-about-doing-today list.
when a girl says "whatever" what she really means "I hope you get shot, fall off a bridge, get raped by a shark, and then eaten by it
I was in NYC and a black guy asked me if the Yankees won to which I replied, "Yeah, man, you`re free."
I don’t understand shark movies I mean just get out of the water.
Half of my day is just me screaming profanities at an electronic device.
I wish I had the balls to be a juggler.
I forget, how much tequila goes in mashed potatoes? Now that`s funny, I don`t care who you are. Oh, don`t copy that part. I mean this part. Oh hell!! Your going to copy and paste the whole thing anyway ;)
If they were really trying to prepare high school kids for “real life” they would offer a class called “working with a$$holes”
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the b!tch they claim I am.
Now tell me how old your baby is in hours.
I’m over the 30-day ab challenge ... Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?