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Life would be a lot easier if employers accepted excuses like “I’m sorry I can’t come into work today, I’m sleepy”
why does that idiot Charlie Sheen keep winning, and a good person like me keeps losing?
My wife even says "NO" in her sleep. The force is strong with this one.
Ok advertisers, for the last time. I’m playing a game I downloaded for free. So, the fact that you chose to advertise here means your product is grossly overpriced…
The earth moves 1.6 million miles per day. So no I didn`t just "lay in bed and watch TV all day" I traveled very far thank u
Where did Noah keep his bees? ... In the ark hives ... Yes, I`m showing myself out, thanks
I`m not saying I hate you, but I`d unplug your life support to charge my phone.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I`m totally flexible
I go both ways. I like hard AND soft tacos.
New research reported that men enjoy snuggling. A second study showed that men will say anything to get a researcher into bed.
I`m God`s gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute.
My neighbors complained that I never mow my lawn. So I started mowing. The cops showed up at 3 a.m.. These neighbors are never happy...
An ex asking to stay friends after you break up is like a kidnapper asking to stay in touch after they let you go.
I can catch a speeding bullet- only once.
I`ve decided to start taking more supplements: calcium pills for my bones, ginkgo pills for my memory, milk thistle for my liver, ginkgo pills for my memory...