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The Hobbit 2: we`ve still got a long way to walk
If you play my day at work backwards, its about an idiot getting less and less annoying
My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I`m camping, I won`t be covered.
I´ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming "CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" when they have nightmares.
Are security guards at Samsung stores called Guardians of the Galaxy?
This Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
I don`t know why I don`t buy more piñatas. Like right now I would love to beat the shit out of something and then eat a bunch of candy.
Safe words are for quitters.
The party`s not over `till you smile for the mugshot
Might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery, the odds are about the same
I know I`ve had enough to drink when I have to concentrate to blink.
Sometimes, even I`m afraid of the things my mind comes up with.
Internet Dating......The Odds are good but the Goods are odd
I`ll admit I`m not perfect but what did the horse I rode in on do?
I hope when Bruce Willis dies, it`s from a Viagra overdose. That way the headline can read "Bruce Willis Died Hard".