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I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "The Illuminaughty"
They say swearing is due to limited vocabulary. I know thousands of words, but I still prefer`f*ck off` to `go away`.
I can`t wait to meet that special someone who will eventually ignore me.
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best-looking guy in the world, but,....Oh,hell. Now I`m depressed.
Happiness, is just a liquor store away.
Enough with procrastination, it’s time for excuses.
Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07
It`s like my bank account doesn`t understand me at all.
If I ever get real rich, I hope I`m not mean to poor people, like I am now.
is a mystery you´ll never solve
about love
People who eat grapes are impatient alcoholics
Guys, if you buy ANY woman clothing, & you don’t get her a size S with a gift receipt, you’re an a$$hole.
If you don`t take 500 selfies a day, do you even love yourself?
If you step on someone`s foot, they open their mouth just like trash cans.