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I`ll never understand those people who say, "I mainly use facebook for my family." And I`m thinking to myself..."Umm...isn`t that what real life is for?"
If you are being attacked by a bunch of clowns the first thing to do is go for the juggler.
I like to take an empty Krispy Kreme donut box to work and sit in the break room and watch all of the disappointed faces
¦It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
Tequila... cuz the bed isn`t goin to spin itself!
I`m 5`5" and a HALF. I think men should be pretty impressed that I consider half inches very important when measuring things.
People with multiple personalities should donate one of them to people who don’t have one.
If I procrastinated any harder right now, it would have to involve time travel.
Go ahead caller 9!!
I wonder if there are birds that prefer not to sing in the morning and that just roll around in their nests until noon.
I really worry about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
Is it even possible to calmly walk away from a dark basement?
Hangry: (noun) a state of anger caused by lack of food. May evoke negative change in emotional state. Translation -- Feed me or I`ll kill you.
My favorite thing to do on Facebook is to get in a long conversation with someone and then delete all my comments so they look crazy.