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Happy 1 year anniversary to the Lean Cuisine in my freezer!
Violently swerving your car will not throw a spider off the window. Doesn`t work like it does with humans. Just in case you need to know.
If you never jumped from couch to couch as kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood.
I hope your day is as nice as your butt.
If you go shopping at Walmart and no one stares at you as you walk by, you`re one of them.
When I`m at the mall, I carry a purse around so people think I have a girlfriend.
I haven`t been this disappointed since I first saw a real hedgehog and it wasn`t blue.
$100 for a dozen red what?! That`s a lot of money for a plant you can’t smoke.
I fell asleep at the wheel smh, time to turn Mario Kart off and go to bed.
I`m one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
Where do all the ice cream men go in winter?
Chinese food to go: $16.84. Gas to go get it: $2.62. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your containers: Riceless.
What`s cardio, and can I eat it?
Sometimes when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
Chips have little nutritional value. That’s why you need to eat the whole bag.