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According to Facebook, some people I don`t remember are grilling this weekend.
I often worry about the safety of my children ... Especially the one who is talking back right now.
Gentlemen may not be extinct, but they are definitely endangered
My dentist just told me I need a crown..... I know, right??
My toddler gets pretty impatient with me for someone who takes 45 minutes to eat an egg.
you have lips ….. i have lips …… interesting
My life is a very complicated drinking game
I`m one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
I think my smart phone is making fun of me behind my back.
Don`t mix Viagra with Iron Supplements. It will cause you to spin around and point north.
The problem with money is that too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
The hardest thing about my juice cleanse is trying to juice Snickers
Don`t judge a person for drinking; judge a person for not drinking. Those f*ckers are up to something.
If you are the one who stole my computer yesterday, please disregard the folder labeled, "Nature photographs." Thanks.
Several decisions I make on a daily basis hinge upon the question "illegal or just frowned upon?"