Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Put that down you fat piece of sh!t` - the title of the dieting book I`m writing.
When someone is in a bad mood, I like to help matters by pointing out several times that they seem to be in a bad mood.
I may contain scenes of violence, nudity and foul language.
2 words, 1 finger.
I may not be the richest guy...or the smartest guy...or the funniest guy...or the best-looking guy...or the .....:( Forget it, now I`m depressed.
I had a Dr. appointment this morning. He asked me how many beers I drink. I held out my hand and said this one is only my 4th, I`ll call you back later with the total.
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time
Sometimes words just aren`t enough. And that`s why we have middle fingers.
It takes balls to be a man.
I bet if you were in a city getting attacked by huge sci-fi monsters youd run and scream but in the back of your mind youd be like “awesome”
just read a list of "the 100 things to do before you die." I´m pretty surprised "yell for help" wasn´t one of them.
If Jesus is the reason for the season.......why is the church parking lot empty and Wal Marts is full?
My neighbor`s facebook movie is just a montage of me caught on surveillance video, stealing his newspaper every morning.
My buddy told me he was going to Beerfest this weekend, I asked him where, he said "any bar I walk into!!!"
Why does McDonalds call it a drive thru when you have to drive AROUND the building?