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One person forgetting to take their medication can really liven up a mundane day at the office.
500 + friends... and not one of you saw where I put the remote?
What if in like 30 years they made a film about Leonardo DiCraprio and how he never won an Oscar…and the actor who played him got an Oscar.
Why did you have to take a half naked picture in front of a full length mirror to show off your new haircut?
Hey Gotham City criminals, why isn’t the first thing on your to-do list “Unplug the Bat Signal”?
If it doesn’t make you afraid to go to the bathroom the next day, it’s not really hot sauce.
I just gave my kid ice cream because she wouldn`t stop crying. Sorry, whoever she winds up marrying.
I`ve been catfishing my best friend for the last 3 weeks. He`s gunna pay me that $50 he owes me or I`m showing these emails to his wife.
This Christmas, if you plan on jingling, please jingle ALL the way. Nobody likes or respects a half a$$ jingler.
Apparently, I just ate 39 servings of Tic - Tacs.
It costs over $235,000 for parents to raise a child today. And that`s just for the alcohol.
I accidentally did yoga once when I couldn`t reach the toilet paper.
Emails from your boss assigning you work do not qualify as cyber bullying. I checked.
My friend said the only vegetable that could make him cry was an onion. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.
I use sarcasm because flat out telling you you’re a moron is considered inappropriate and is frowned upon. And I was raised better than that.