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Screw it, I’m starting Friday now.
I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist....
I hate when beggars rattle their cup full of coins at me. Yes i know! You have more money than me, you don`t have to rub it in..
Welcome to WebMD. Type quickly, you don`t have long.
How do they even grow boneless chicken`s?
I`m already getting into the Thanksgiving spirit, I`ve given the bird to lots of people today.
Ya know once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it´s hard to get it back in.
My resume is basically just a list of things I hate to do.
Getting back with your ex is pretty much the same as taking a shower, getting out, and putting back on the same old dirty underwear.
No thermostat is as effective at regulating temperature as sticking a foot out from under the bed covers.
Where do all the ice cream men go in winter?
I`ve got a Tootsie Pop and seven hours until the aviary notices their Spotted Owl is missing. Let`s do this!
Merry Christmas week! The time when it’s totally fine to put Peppermint Schnapps in your coffee every morning!
I was thinking about jumping on the Patriot`s Fan bandwagon, but I am afraid that the tires would be deflated...
I finished your laundry, the ashes are in the fireplace.