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People, like prescription drugs, should have to list the side effects they`re likely to cause.
I was feeling down...then all of a sudden I felt myself up. Win, win situation! ;)
When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone’s numbers again, I text them: “Guess who?” for 2 weeks.
Highschool Reunion? What for ? I`m on Facebook. I already know who got fat.
Thank you Pringles for being the only chip company that doesn`t sell air.
I gotta go guys. I just found out my lunch break isn`t 3 hours long.
Since it started raining all my wife has done is look through the stupid window... If it gets any worse, I`ll have to let her in.
Sorry about last night texts. My phone was drunk.
i forgot how to put a status ... can anyone help me ?
The best person to get thrown in jail with would have to be the Kool-Aid Man.
The problem with you is ... you exist.
Yes, that`s correct. And the horse you rode in on.
I was doing laundry today and accidentally left out a very large fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
Money isn´t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.
Guy on plane: So, where are you going? Me: I`m guessing it`s the same place you`re going.