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The human body is roughly 60% water. I`m not fat, I`m flooded.
like this if you are against animal cruelty
When does hibernation start? Because I am 100% participating in that.
How did people crash their vehicles before cellphones?
Hello...
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she`s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
Watching MTV Cribs makes me feel better about downloading music off the internet.
Whenever my son questions my knowledge on any subject, I just remind him that I`m older than the Internet.
F*ck spiders. F*ck them and the way they move their legs, f*ck their ability to multiply by the million and f*ck their eight, beady little black eyes that offer unblinking, soulless glimpses of the blackest depths of hell itself.
Sometimes it’s just better to buy new Tupperware than to risk opening the leftovers.
My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 spacecraft computer. They went to the moon. I text a lot.
Cats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.
Jobs are like relationships. You have them, you cry about it. You don’t have them, you cry about it.
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.
Why does the sound of the recliner opening always remind my wife the trash needs to be taken out?