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Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza
Feeling tired as you struggle to get through the day? There`s a nap for that.
FINALLY home from work! So, yea...if your phone number is on your profile...I will be drunk dialing you in about 30 minutes or so.
You haven`t really made it until people start using your name as a verb.
Women say they love nerds until you whip out your Pokemon cards.
Hmmm… Who should I stalk on Facebook now? :)
The ultimate home security system is having crappy stuff.
Hold boobs not grudges.
They say that you are what we eat. This means that I am cheap, easy and ready in 2 minutes!
To the makers of rice cakes; thanks for nothing!
"What`s wrong?" "Oh it`s personal" Then, why`d you post it to Facebook.
People who think only God can judge them have obviously never met my mother-in-law.
And today I learned to never ask a woman how she dye`s her roots black.
He said he liked surprises, but when I showed up late at night dressed as a clown and knocked on his window, it`s all screaming and sh!t.
The awkward moment when someone say "I gotta use the restroom.... Never mind."