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What if every time a song pops into your head, it’s really just your brain intercepting one of the bajillion radio signals bouncing around you?
Knowing sign language is a handy skill when it comes to identifying schizophrenics at famous people`s funerals.
Roses are red, violets are blue. god made me pretty,what happened to you?
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day............ Palm Sunday is just around the corner
Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
You haven`t truly made it on YouTube until someone recognizes you in the unemployment line and asks for your autograph.
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what`s going on and there`s a lot of wine drinking.
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.
75% of men kiss their wives good bye when leaving the house. 100% kiss their house good bye when leaving their wives.
We can put laser-equipped robots on Mars, but wrinkled dollar bills still don’t work in vending machines?
When I was a kid, I thought quicksand was going to be a much bigger problem than it really is.
Do angry people know about naps?
I`m so fresh they call me "ferbreeze"
My sleep number is 24. That`s a case of beer and I sleep like a baby.
Dear Social Media, thanks for showing me that I can like people. So long as I don`t have to see, touch, or smell them.