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Take mentos and freeze into ice cubes. Put the ice cubes in your friend’s drink. After five minutes their drink will randomly explode.
I ate too much salad over the weekend so I`m going on an Oreo cleanse today.
I failed the emergency broadcast test. My apologies to all the employees I shoved to the ground while screaming
I think I’m allergic to mornings.
Whether you`re a woman or a straight man, taking a bra off is likely to be one of the high points of your day.
There are four main food groups: 1. Canned 2. Frozen 3. Fried 4. Drive-thru
My New Years resolution is to be more assertive if that`s okay with you guys?
Get ahead of myself. Sometimes I
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who really do.
There`s a warning light on my dashboard of a vague exclamation point. It`s like when my girlfriend was mad at me and she wouldn`t say why.
Oh, a spider just landed on my desk... In other news,,, When startled, I can jump 5 feet in the air with just the power of my ass cheeks.
That awkward moment when you sing the wrong part of a song with confidence.
My wife told me I have to quit playing poker all the time but I think she`s bluffing...
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!
I must have drank more than I thought last weekend...there`s an entire hour that I don`t remember!