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Late to bed and early to rise, makes me really tired and pissed off.
FYI : My post aren`t directed at anyone in particular...so should anyone be offended by them, I say if the shoe fits ... Wear It!!!!!
"Does my uniform make me look fat?" -Insecurity guard
Some things get in the way of my happiness, so I ignore them.
So she asked me "Do these pants make my butt look big?" And I said, "Not at all dear .. its the fat that does that." So now I´m single again.
The girl in the car next to me is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I`m done picking my nose, I`m gonna smile and wave.
New Years - the only day where its socially acceptable to drink this early.
I`m done chasing people who aren`t willing to do the same for me. After today, the ice cream man can go f*ck himself!!
Why is it called cat nip and not meowjuana?
Scientists have recently discovered that approximately 2% of Earth`s water at any given time is found on Tupperware containers being removed from the dishwasher
Tip of the day: Don`t piss off anyone who has unlimited access to your toothbrush.
Note to future self: Tequila is a liar. You do not sound exactly like Axl Rose & the people at karaoke will not catch you if you stage dive
When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight... to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs.
I`m going crazy! Get in, you`re riding shotgun!
I`m pretty sure the phrase "sleep tight" originated in prison...