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Any psycho girls wanna hang out? Just text me like 5000 times and let me know.
You know the fun part of your life is over when people around you are getting pregnant on purpose.
It`s been few days since I heard from the voices in my head, I think it`s the calm before the storm. Some big sh!t is gonna go down!!
Why is that in girls tampon commercials they dance and laugh? Shouldn`t they be revving chainsaws and burning sh!t down?
I don`t like the term "stalker". I prefer "unpaid private investigator".
All this time I thought PTA stood for Parents to Avoid
I wonder if the Happy Birthday wishes I send out to my Facebook friends would mean the same to them if they knew that I was sitting on the toilet.... LOL
Halloween is the perfect time to redistribute those undesired condiment packets of ketchup, mustard, BBQ & soy sauce.
I`m at the age where an "all-nighter" just means I didn`t have to get up to pee.
You laugh because you think it’s a joke. I laugh because you think I’m joking.
What would I give the woman who has everything? Well, my phone number for a start.
Depresso; the feeling you get when you`ve run out of coffee.
Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word" is super-romantic. But the cops didn`t think so.
I`m returning these Gushers. They taste like sh!t. "Sir. Those are paintballs." Oh. I`m returning these paintballs. Someone ate a few.
My friend is showing me her new vegan handbag. I know vegans can be annoying, but should we really be making accessories out of them?