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Women say they love a man in uniform but when i go clubbing in my McDonalds uniform none of them will talk to me....I`m confused
House cleaning would go a lot faster if the spray bottles made laser gun sounds
Well that`s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I`m doing.
I`m at my neighbor`s house having a delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said bet you can`t hit me with a quarter!
Just took a shower. You have no idea how hard it was to sneak that thing out of Home Depot.
I`ll bet Amish people look forward to Thanksgiving since it`s the only time their clothes look festive.
I thought about exercising all day long. I am so exhausted.
A homeless guy asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich. I said, "First let me see the sandwich."
My best stories always end with the words ... "and then I got the hell out of there."
Having a dog around pretty much denies any opportunity to take advantage of the 5 second rule
I always say, your laundry is never completely done, unless you do it in the nude. Which probably explains the strange looks at the laundrymat this afternoon.
Violence is never the answer. Unless the question is `What is never the answer?`
I wish I had Dora`s mom and dad, they let that girl go everywhere.
Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.