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I have a fold up treadmill under my fold up bed, so by the time I get the treadmill set up, I`m like "That`s enough exercise for today"
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
This rough sex would have been a lot better if I wasn`t alone.
I`m allergic to gluten free diets.
I wonder how long I`ll be skinny from all this dieting and juicing I`ve been doing. 1 month? A year? A couple of ye....ooh look cake.
New research reported that men enjoy snuggling. A second study showed that men will say anything to get a researcher into bed.
I got a letter in the mail saying I was pre-approved for a Walmart Credit Card. Not sure if I should be honored or ashamed.
You don`t know broke until you`ve rinsed off a paper plate.
If I`ve learned anything about picking up woman at the super market it`s to stay away from those in the tampon isle.
TIP: If cars are passing you on the highway in the LEFT lane, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE RIGHT LANE!
what happends when chemists pass away...We Barium.
You ever wonder why wearing no underwear is called “going commando”? It seems to me it wouldn’t be useful in a combat situation.
Jingle all the way. Nobody likes a half-assed jingler.
People are obsessed with this storm but in a couple months no one will talk about it anymore, which is why they named it after the movie Juno.
If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$.