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How weird was the first robber to wear pantyhose on his face
Last night we were in bed and I asked my wife "What would you like to do to my body more than anything else?" She said "Identify it."
Don`t believe everything you think.
Bad news, guys. Throwing a cat through a wall doesn`t make a funny, cat-shaped hole
You have to hand it to Subway for convincing us it`s acceptable to eat an entire loaf of bread for lunch.
I wish I could commute by roller coaster.
I bet someone could get really rich opening a business that untangles Christmas lights!
I bet my church never imagined it was even possible to twerk to Amazing Grace.
I hate it when people dont know the differece between Ur and U`r
Today`s brilliant idea: Slim Fast beer.
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow, but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine.
Gone insane. Be back Tuesday.
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole
Reaching under the couch for something is the closest I’ll ever get to yoga.
If you catch a homeless couple having sex is it rude to tell them to "get a room"?