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is cuddling up with a good book and a cup of tea. Ah, who am I kidding... I´m looking at Hustler and having a beer.
Testing.. Testing.. This is a test. If this were an actual ploy for attention.. I would`ve said "bacon" or "boobies."
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
For your anniversary, if your wife asks for something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds...don`t get her a bathroom scale. Just sayin"
Gatorade always has athletes in their commercials sweating and working hard. They really should target their real consumer. A Fat guy on the couch nursing a hangover. Is it in you?
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek.
Guys are excellent cooks. With two eggs, a sausage, & a little bit of milk...they can keep a girl`s stomach full for 9 months.
"Sleeping on the couch" should be a relationship status on Facebook.
It`s bad luck to be superstitious.
Dwjxdjdhjfrjfjhrha! Sorry--you will get a more coherent status update AFTER I`ve had my coffee!
You`re not living life right if you don`t get just a little bit nervous every time you hear a police siren.
Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I`m heading north to start a new life.
Beer: Giving you the courage to talk to women but taking away the ability to make sense.
Organized people are just to lazy to look for things.
If you`re going to stalk me at least notice when I`m running low on toilet paper & change the roll.