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I wish my mind had a delete button.
People always get so excited about the next generation iPhone but no one has caught up with the awesome technology that`s called a Turn Signal.
I take a large amount of pride in always being prepared for a nap.
I try to avoid things that make me fat, like scales, mirrors, and photographs.
Yes, I realize I’m leaving early. But don’t forget, I also came in late.
i know how to shutup.I just don`t know when.
If someone posts a picture of their kid on Facebook making a stupid face, I like to comment with, "Oh, NOW I see the resemblance!"
Sad Fact- Boobie traps seldom involve boobies.
In order to get my teenagers attention I shut off the WiFi router and wait for them in the room it`s in.
If you were born after 1990, you will never know the frustration of having to rewind your parents porn tapes to the exact same spot...
It could be worse. Spiders could have wings.
I know its true love when I like you even when I`m sober.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Pilot...but apparently I was too young.
So I turned my phone onto " airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. Worst transformer ever!
Well, if you`re going to question my reputation and credentials as a gynecologist,I suggest you get the hell out of my office van.