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I may not look good naked, but I`m a beautiful person on the insi.... Hahahaha just kidding I look great naked
I`m allergic to stupidity ... which is why I break out in to sarcasm.
Just worked out, I will spend on average 7 years of my life in the bathroom. My wife will spend on average 6.9 years of her life knocking on the door saying " are you all right in there "
Next time you are sad remember you can make a cheeseburger with donuts as the bun. Still sad? Add Sprinkles
Sandals or shoes? I have adorable toes. All 12
Republicans are red, Democrats are blue. The government is shut down cause neither one gives a damn about you.
CNN needs to reevaluate the use of Breaking News. Perhaps "Latest Speculative News" or "We Really Don`t Know Shit" would work. CNN call me.
Best Relationship Advice: Make sure you’re the crazy one.
For lent, I`m giving up sexual innuendos but it`s hard... so hard!
I`m great in bed" ~ breakfast
One day I will solve all problems with grace & maturity. Today is not that day...
Don`t, under any circumstance, believe I`ll return your Tupperware.
I really want to take photos of my friends with their face smushed against glass.. Then make that pic my phone contact for them.. Then when they call, it will look like they`re trapped inside my phone! Oh god my life is pitiful, kill me..
If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "bad at following directions."
Hit the popcorn button on my microwave but none has appeared yet.