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"They Dared Me To" should be a legitimate excuse in a Court of Law.
Wow!!! Thank you guy on Facebook I went to high school with and haven`t spoken to in 14 years, you really changed my mind about this upcoming election....
Saw a post stating "taking it one day at a time," so I responded "me too. That`s how days work."
Parallel lines have so much in common, it`s a shame they`ll never meet
"I`m $50 away from getting free shipping which is only $5 and what I want is $12 so I need to spend $38 more to save money." -my brain
Your gene pool should be drained, the area bleached & the ground burned & salted. But other than that you seem like a great person.
Mom: You haven`t moved since I left 5 hours ago? Me: Excuse me, where do you think these chips came from!!???
I do not argue, I explain why Iām right.
The older I get, the more I sympathize with Squidward`s anger.
If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.
Side effects of telling your wife to get a grip may include throat bruising or testicular swelling.
Have you ever noticed that the & symbol looks like a guy dragging his butt across the floor?
If it`s any consolation, your Doppelganger is probably having a really awesome day.
The fastest way to being happy is to make other people happy. You go first.
If you catch me doing a selfie at work, at least offer to take the pic for me.