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I shook the vending machine until my chips fell, so yeah, I’m a hunter-gatherer.
Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a brighter day.
I`m not sure why they gave all these other people cars.
Tequila. For those nights you just want to pretend she`s hot.
When one door opens & another one closes, your fricking house is HAUNTED!
If Olympic drinking was an event I would probably take gold in the floor routine.
If I get an e-mail from you that says "Sent from my Blackberry" at the bottom, please understand that I`m not going to respond. I can only assume that you sent it in 2006.
I think we`ll be friends forever because we`re too lazy to find new friends.
The only thing I ever win playing McDonald’s Monopoly is 10 pounds.
you know you`ve been facebooking too much when you accidentally say "LOL", in person...
Its awkward touching hands with another man in a popcorn bag, especially if you don`t know the man & he doesn`t know you`re eating his popcorn
Me: You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you’re smart too, I like that.
If I can’t act weird around you, I’m sorry we can’t be friends.
I`ve never heard an alarm going off on a car worth stealing.
I was always a believer in evolution....then I spent an hour at Walmart and now I`m not so sure