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We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
You’re going to make some cats very happy one day.
Who`s up for some curling in my driveway?
I don’t care how high you set the bar as long as I can reach my drink.
I hate to choose sides, but if forced, I`ll aggressively side with the person paying my bar tab.
I tried stuff once. It was horrible.
The neighbor`s cat seems to think my flower bed is his litter box. I`ll fix that furry little bugger. I mixed 44 packages of pop rocks into the soil. And now we wait....
The only person whom a woman listens carefully & follows sincerely & does exactly as he says is a photographer
For most things there’s MasterCard For everything else there’s Vodka
Fingerprints are proof that God doesn`t trust us
Some people should use a glue stick for lip balm
If I owned a pet store Id put a different rat in the turtle cage every night just to see if any of the turtles knew karate the next morning.
I´m really bored but too lazy to do anything about it.
Sometimes the problem with reality is the lack of background music.
Imagine coming home from a long vacation and finding your bathroom towels are wet from just being used. I can do that to your ex if you want.