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"Fidget Spinners are so dumb pointless." -The generation that purchased over 5 million Pet Rocks.
"He sure seems like a nice young man" is Grandma-speak for "I`d totally hit that."
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,400 hours. Roughly the same as one Monday on earth feels.
Law and Order is just Blue`s Clues for adults.
Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant. Agree or nah??
Guacamole is my favorite food that looks like someone already ate it.
L`oréal`s mascara makes your lashes 60% longer? Wow! They should make condoms.
Everytime someone says "Expect the unexpected" I like to punch them in the face and say "not as easy as it sounds, now is it?"
When you`re down about your body image just type "fat people" into Google images, always makes me feel better!:)
I never mix business with pleasure, ......unless i call an escort.
It won`t be the alcohol or cigarettes that kill me. It will be my inability to know when I should or shouldn`t laugh at something.
Have you ever held your money and thought "I hope this hasn´t been up a stripper´s butt"
Wanted a nap but had trouble getting to sleep. So I put on Seeking a Friend for the End of the World. Now 13 hours later, I`m well rested.
I like to think the automatic soap dispenser is just really happy to see me.
Why do people freak out about dolphins getting caugh in tuna nets? What about the tuna?