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The patience I have for my kids is directly proportional to the amount of people watching me.
I see you`re busy. I`ll come back later and ruin your free time.
Mad respect to people who can stop eating when they`re full.
You’re probably naked under all those clothes. You slut.
Ladies, when it comes to stalking, I`m 100% behind you.
Life is like a box of chocolates and you`re on a diet so you can`t even enjoy it.
People who wait 4 hours to reply to my text with "lol" should be shot.
Good morning my friends ... Wait a minute ... What the f*ck am I doing up this early.
Gotta thin the herd. – me eating animal crackers
Easy come, easy go describes my last 12 cases of beer and 17 relationships.
I never thought I`d be the kind of person who`d wake up early in the morning to exercise ... And I was right.
Everyone picks their nose at some point, it`s what you choose to do next that defines who you are as a person.
Money isn´t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.
Why can`t we just change the spelling to fit the way it sounds: Bologna = Bolony Lasagna = lasania knife= nife tsunami = sunami politician = a$$hole
Is it too early to start drinking? - some moron with a clock.