Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I slammed the car door on my fingers this afternoon. In related news, there`s an 83% chance that my nephew just added "Mother*ucker" to his vocabulary.
Pro tip: when you`re watching a show like "my five wives" with your wife, don`t suggest potential additional wives.
Adulthood is like losing your mom in the grocery store for the rest of your life.
That awkward moment when the mosquito is more interested in persistently banging it`s head against the windshield of your vehicle in an attempt to escape your presence than it is in trying to bite you. #feelingunattractive
I hate it when I`m singing a song and the artist keeps messing up the words.
Did you know, the designated driver is usually the guy having the most luck with the ladies.
The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking!
Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. You know…like Thursday.
Sobriety is an illusion created by alcohol deficiency.
I`m sorry I slapped you but you didn`t seem like you would ever stop talking and I panicked.
Judging by the way some women wear makeup it`s rather obvious they didn`t excel at coloring as a kid ...
A murderer was about to be put to death in the electric chair. "Do you have any last requests?" asked the chaplain. "One," he replied. "Will you hold my hand?"
So... Where does one obtain minions?
Chips have little nutritional value. That’s why you need to eat the whole bag.
Every store should have one line for people who have their sh!t together.